Shut up! Oh no I didn't........

Yes I did. I said those two words to my autistic eight year old son. The same son whom I tell daily how much I love to hear him talk. In my defense it was 5am. I had been listening to him script movies, mutter to himself, tell me he's sad, tell me he's happy, ask for a kiss , since 1am when he woke up. This is the cycle we go through. He sleeps well for a few weeks and then- very very little sleep for a few weeks. What pushed me over the edge last night was not just shear exhaustion but that he had gone into his sister's room at 4:30am, specifically to wake her up. He knows better. He knows it is still night time and everyone else wants/ needs to sleep. He knows I will stay with him while he struggles through whatever is going on in his mind. Yet he woke up the first grader on a school night. At 5am she began complaining of stomach pains. We have had the stomach bug once already and I was  dreading the thought of her hunched over the toilet as she had been last time. Sick kids are the worst- since there is so little you can do to ease their discomfort. At 5am Robbie began running down the hallway yelling some movie line. He had already woken Dad, who leaves for work by 6:30am so sleep is precious as well. Now I thought- he'll wake Timmy too and it will all be over.  3 exhausted kids are much worse than 1 or even 2. So it came out of my mouth- "Robbie- please just shut up."  Horrible and ineffective. He laid in bed with Dad while I got Lexi in the tub- still feeling sick.
Truth be told I had a feeling it would be a rough night when I picked him up from School. He has his first session of "Games Club"- which is a social skills class at school. At first he was so happy to see us. He tried to introduce Lexi to another regular ed little girl in the club. I was told he did well. Yet he was stimmier (if that is even a word) than usual. He was muttering to himself and extremely jittery on the ride home. I don't think he was unhappy- actually he seemed very happy yet overstimulated at the same time. It was a Monday. Mondays are tough to begin with and the games club added an extra hour to his day.
Again- this a cycle. And with it comes great reward. Tuesday night Robbie asked me to play a game with him. He has NEVER asked to play a game. We usually beg him. Last night he played the same game with his ABA therapist and sister. His speech and communication has also increased. Yesterday he told me about his day at school. He played mindcraft and made chickens with one of the aides at school. (I'm sure it was during free time.) Again- he has never told me about his day with being prompted, multiple times. He is taking a second session of a regular art class. We drive by the art studio everyday while taking Lexi to school and he has said- "I love that place." His aba instructor picked him up and took him to the class this week. A friend of mine whose daughter is in the class drove him home. Seems like small potatoes to most but all this things are huge to us!
As I drink my 2nd cup of what will likely be 10 cups of coffee today- as last night was another rough night I am reminded of just how far we've come. Last night I was able to manage my own behavior and from 1am until 4:30am told him I loved him. Gave a few hugs and asked him politely to quiet down so everyone else could sleep, while he played on his ipad or watched a movie. Never again do I want to lose my patience and ask him to stop talking, just to keep it down from midnight to 5am.............. Love you Robbie.