A little reminder to myself

To be honest, the last few weeks have really been wearing on me. Robbie's behavior is exhausting, both physically and emotionally. Every comment is 5 decimals too loud. Every time he hears no or is redirected there is screaming and sometimes hitting. Hitting could involve the wall, an object or a person (me).  The stimming behaviors are constant. Running back and forth saying "EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE."  Scripting movie lines, a sentence from one and the right into another. The constant destruction of property. Emptying all the hand soap containers and refilling them with water. Pouring water in the ice cube container so they all freeze together. Pouring orange juice in his crocks and then walking through my in-laws rental property. ( which meant scrubbing carpets on hands and knees.)The only things that help are swim time and Dad putting Robbie in time out. Even then, he is down right nasty a lot of the time. We recently had a burst of language and when that happens behavior problems seem to trail behind. As Robbie gets bigger, so do his behaviors. I have to remind myself that while he has the body of an 8 year old, he has the emotional and social ability of someone much younger.
 I have also noticed his increased frustration on a daily basis at just about everything. He talks with an angry tone and has been yelling at everyone and no one. While at the lake this week he was talking in his angry voice to himself and it seemed to everyone around him. A little girl ran by just as he was at the peak of this performance. She stopped, kicked water in his face, and ran away. Lexi, after witnessing this, came running up to me to tell me what the girl had done. I wasn't angry with this little girl. Robbie was being inappropriate. Perhaps I should have gotten angry and pulled her aside to explain what was going on. Robbie didn't seem phased at all by a little water in the face and continued with his ranting.  I know part of his frustration stems from not being able to connect with other children. He clings to Lexi, who at this point is searching out friends of her own. He is so very aware of what's going on around him, what's being said around him, or about him. Recently he told me "that's not nice." When I asked why, eventually I determined he did not like me talking about him. Fair enough. I hate when others do it as well, and shame on me, I know better.  At dinner I asked him if he was with me, present. He responded by saying "I'm trying Mommy."  This I know to be true. He is trying really hard.  I shared a picture a friend put on Facebook- "My child is not giving me a hard time. My child is having a hard time." A good reminder for myself. For Robbie every day is really hard. For me, some days are just harder than others.