Sometimes you just need..... Family

 

Sometimes you just need- Aunt Suzie 😊

The past year has been long- for everyone. The lack of being in school, after school clubs, dances, sports and plain old get togethers with family and friends, has been missing.  You might not realize how much you miss it- until you have a glimpse again.

This weekend we were so lucky to have a visit by my sister- Aunt Suzie.  She brought crafts- a rock painting kit and jewelry making.   All the kids- (Mom and Dad included) sat together to paint rocks, add stickers and googly eyes. Robbie was very proud of his emoji rock- as he should have been.

On Saturday afternoon, we had decided to run a few errands- buy makeup at Ulta for Lexi, maybe shop, and maybe lunch. Usually when I ask Robbie if he wants to join us- he politely declines. “ I don’t want to go!! I want to stay in my room. I want to watch movies!”  This Saturday- he declined at first but as I was saying goodbye, he changed his mind.  “ I want to come. You can’t leave me.”  He wanted to be included. He saw his siblings, myself and Aunt Suzie getting ready to go somewhere- together. I was thrilled he wanted to come.

Our first stop was Ulta- the makeup store. Robbie stayed in the car with his phone- but I made Timmy come with us.  “This is a girls store.” Timmy said as we entered the pink, sparkly, perfume smelling store. I promised we would go to a more – Timmy, Robbie friendly store next.   Next stop- 5 Below. As we walked to the entrance Robbie said an enthusiastic   “Yes!! Can I buy toys?”   He picked out a candy and a toy- as did his brother and we were off to our next stop.  Smiles all around.

Lunch!  Lexi wanted to try something new, so we ended up at Bertucci’s.  A perfect balance of new- as we had never been as a family- and safe- pizza.  We were the only customers there and lunch was great.  Peperoni pizza is Robbie’s favorite food – and how can anyone not be happy – when eating pizza!?

At home Saturday evening we sat at the kitchen table and played Don’t Make Me Laugh- a game Aunt Suzie brought that entails teamwork and charades. Robbie happily joined us. We picked cards with scenarios to act out- and threw in our own ideas and rules. Aliens in the Attic- Robbie’s favorite movie was of course in the mix. It was a hysterical evening filled with laughter from all.  After Robbie went to is room and the rest of us decided on something together downstairs.  We ended up watching I am number 4- a pg-13 movie which includes Aliens- which could have been the draw.  Robbie came down and watched with us.  He sat in the middle and was completely engaged until the very end.

Why is all this engagement meaningful? Robbie spends much of his time in his room. When he is in common areas- its usually to eat or tell me that he needs something. If he joins us for movie nights, he ends up leaving to the sanctuary of his bedroom.  Having him with us and being so engaged was such a treat. It reminded me that even though we don’t see my family that often (due to distance and more recently covid)- It’s so important for all of us.  It is so nice to see that extended support system for Robbie- family who loves him- just as he is. And as a bonus- we saw Aunt Suzie acting like a dog, Timmy was able to put makeup all over me, Lexi guessed almost every card correctly, Robbie was able to act out his favorite movie, and Dad watched as we all jumped around with “Ants in our pants.”  A perfect weekend.  I needed it as much as Robbie did. We love you Aunt Suzie! We can’t wait to see you again soon!

" I got you... You got me?"

 

“I got you- you got me?”

50 times a day- “ you got me mom? Mom do you got me? Mom, I’m trying to focus- you got me?”  Reality of Autism- repetitive comments.  Sometimes it comes out of nowhere.  “Mom I’m watching a movie- you got me?” Other times it is specific- “I’d like to make a movie- you got me?”  “Mom, my face is hot- you got me?”  “ Mom, I’m exhausted from talking, You got me?”  I don’t remember where the phrase came from- although I know with 99% accuracy – it came from a movie.  Movies are familiar. Robbie will watch them so many times- he can recite most of the dialogue. Movies don’t require work. They don’t expect anything from him. He can get lost in his movies. They are one of his happy places.  I don’t think I truly understood the importance of movies until watching one like Inside out. That movie did such an amazing job at characterization of emotions- literally turning them into actual characters. They have colors and facial expressions and are easy to understand.  This is extremely helpful for those on the spectrum who have trouble understanding which facial expression goes with which emotion. Something most of us don’t ever have to think about. Robbie will tell me when he’s smiling- which is actually hysterical because he contorts his face into the largest- toothiest grin you’ve ever seen.

Another reality of Autism. Lack of empathy. A huge concern I have for Robbie as he gets older is the complete lack of empathy.  In his world -many times -he can’t see beyond himself.   I can’t say he is selfish, he just can’t see that far.  As I feel sadness or grief about one of my best friends who is battling cancer- he can only express he is sad. The reality is – he is not sad or empathetic of my sadness- but he needs my attention to be directed towards him. That causes him anxiety. Honestly- some days- I am annoyed. I want to scream- “No- you are not sad – I am sad.”  But I know that will never help- only cause anxiety.  I also worry- that he will never truly have a relationship- in the sense that most of us have. While he has friends- the emotional depth is not entirely there.  Maybe it will spare him the grief of worry or loss, but will he ever experience the joy of true friendship and love?  All I can say- and all those that support him in school can say is- “ I got you Robbie. I’ve always got you” Because right now- that’s the best and only thing we can do.

We all need a little socialization- and a movie

 

As Covid goes on and on………..Robbie is yearning for some socialization. Last night we talked about kickball, which his little brother will be doing in the spring. I had my computer in front of me and he happily said” I’d love to play” and came to sit by me. As he looked at my computer, I realized he thought I was talking about a computer game. But the more I think about it the more I imagine him playing kickball. Kickball with some of his friends who all happen to be on the spectrum.  And maybe a few other kids as well. And then my mind wandered.  I was reminded of the time I had signed Robbie up for soccer as a toddler. It was at a park where there was a small field and a playground with swings to the side.  The swings caught his attention immediately and that was all he wanted to do.  He could swing for hours- still can. It didn’t resonate at that time as anything out of the norm- other than maybe he didn’t like soccer.  Now that I think about it if I get it if I get a kickball game going, I need to ensure it’s at a location where there are no swings to distract him.  Or maybe I’ll suggest a day at the park- on the swings instead.  To be honest - he’d prefer that anyways- who am I kidding!

It’s funny the memories that pop into your head some days. Those days there was very little language. These days there is lots of talking. Most of the talking is about movies. He loves movies. He loves to watch movies, talk about movies, draw pictures of characters from movies…….  Generally it’s the same handful of movies that he obsesses about for a few months at a time. These days its Aliens in the Attic, Over the Hedge, and Hop.   Our latest obsession is about creating a movie. He’d like to recreate Aliens in the Attic using our family. It’s mentioned at least 50 times a day. “I want to make a movie- like Aliens in the attic. With the heros and villians . we’d be heros and have shooters, like the potato shooters on Aliens in the attic. You like Aliens in the Attic? You want want to watch with me? I’m going to go watch in my room.”  Hopefully, one day soon- when things get back to some kind of normal we’ll be able to find a way for Robbie to play out this movie- or who knows- maybe he’ll grow up to be the next Spielberg.  One can dream 😊