Why is Robbie different?

I knew it would happen. One day Lexi would ask why. Why is Robbie different? Why does Robbie have Autism? We have always been very open with Lexi about Autism, what it is and how it affects Robbie. However, I never wanted any of these conversations to hurt Robbie's feelings. Last night at dinner Lexi said " I hope Timmy does NOT have autism." Honestly- I may have said " me too" or just nodded my head. I caught  myself and looked at Robbie- who covered his ears and put his head down. My heart broke. We hurt his feelings.
Later, I told Lexi that she can always talk to me or Daddy about Autism but we have to be careful not to hurt Robbie's feelings. She responded by saying- he didn't cry- so his feelings were not hurt. Such a tough concept for a 5 year old. The conversation continued with Lexi asking why Robbie is different, like the boys in her class with down syndrome. Why do we have to have Ms. Yevette ( Robbie's ABA therapist) over all the time?  Why can't he be normal? Different is hard for me. I don't like different. Why can't he be like me... and Timmy?  I reminded her about how much she loves her big brother. How much we all love him.
Toni Braxton- famous singer- who has a son on the spectrum was quoted as saying  God punished her for having an abortion. The punishment was a child with Autism. How sad for her to feel that way. There has been a lot of discussion about her comments and while she was once a voice for Autism speaks, I hope she is no longer. Robbie is a gift. He is loved and I am thankful for him.  However I will say - again, as I have posted this opinion- Autism does not define who Robbie is. It is a disability. If I could remove it- I would. Autism makes life harder for my son. He is funny and smart- and sometimes hard to understand. Sometimes he does not feel comfortable in his own skin. Someday, people will be cruel.
Recently a friend asked me how other kids treated Robbie- if they were accepting or excluding.. Again- a comment or question from a friend that took me by surprise.( And- again- as I write this blog, my hope is understanding.) The comment made me think- one of the many reasons I love the program Robbie is in is because he is safe. He is surrounded by those who understand. His classmates are on the spectrum. There is plenty of support staff. The school offers social skills- to - in my opinion- allow the "regular" kids an opportunity to interact with those on the spectrum. Those they see every day, walking down the halls, using the same bathrooms, and sharing a lunch and assembly with. I fear a time where Robbie is forced back into his district school- where there is no place for him. Where he is the only one. Where he is excluded. Where I may lose my cool if he not treated kindly.
As I write this- Lexi has looked over my shoulder asking about the contents on the page. She sees her name- multiple time- and popcorn words. I wonder if Robbie sees his name- and words he can recognize. He can not tell me- yet. He is 8 years old. Lexi can- she is 5.
 While there has been much progression for Robbie in terms of language and communication, it can still be a challenge. Pictures are still helpful. Many times Robbie responds without really hearing what has been said. This morning Robbie had taken a bunch of loose change from a cup and put it into small ziplock bags. I told him he could keep the money but asked that he keep it far away from Timmy.  Timmy is still at the age where he puts everything in his mouth. The response I got was yelling no and him throwing the bags all over the floor. Exactly what I did not want to happen.  Honestly, I don't think he understood my request. He assumed he was in trouble for taking the money and putting it into bags. ( He has gotten in trouble before for taking multiple items and placing them in multiple baggies. It is wasteful and honestly, annoying because I end up having to put all the items back in their place and throwing away piles of baggies.) These types of exchanges are common. There is a lot of yelling- from Robbie and a bit of frustration at times from the rest of us. 
Overall I am reminded to slow down. Take a deep breathe. Explain things more clearly to Robbie and remind Lexi that different is not bad. Different makes life interesting. What kind of world would we have if we were all exactly the same?? Boring!!!!!