Moving Forward

One of my favorite television shows is Parenthood. One of the dynamics on the show is a family who has a son with Asperger's. (They also had a surprise "bonus" child) Last week the episode explored their worries and hopes for his future. This , of course, is something Rob and I think about for Robbie. In the show an older character learns he has Asperger's as well. He is a photographer  and is professionally successful while he struggles in his personal life.  They discuss the positives and negatives about this man's life.  He is independent, has a career and has had meaningful relationships.  However , these relationships do not last. A failed marriage, an estranged daughter, etc.

Robbie is not Asperger's but Asperger's is part of the spectrum. A friend forwarded a video developed by a young adult  with Asperger's. He spoke about how difficult it can be to get through the day. Many times that was all the energy he had- to just get through the day. This is why many on the spectrum like things in a certain order and why everything has its place. This makes things a little easier for them. So when Robbie was following me around the house yesterday with a needle and thread to sew a pillow case that had ripped I decided to stop what I was doing and complete the task for him. These are the situations that could turn into meltdowns, but can be avoided. 

Robbie also pointed out the obvious to me on Saturday. He is a boy. I am leery of letting him go to public restrooms on his own- for a variety of reasons. At one of Rob's basketball games, Robbie had to use the bathroom. I grabbed his hand and passed the men's room, heading toward the ladies room. He said "No, that one." pointing to the men's room. I told him I couldn't go in that bathroom because I am a girl , not a boy. He said " I'm not a girl, I'm a boy." It made me pause. My baby boy is growing up and becoming more independent. I let him go to the boys bathroom on his own, while waiting outside of the door. I welcome him doing things like pouring his own juice and putting his plate in the sink. Now I am going to have to start allowing him to do more of what almost 8 year olds do. But, what is that? I honestly have no idea. I have no idea where he should be in relation to an neurotypical child.

A fellow blogger wrote about his ten year old daughter. He was taking her to school. She was scripting her morning routine when they came upon two fellow classmates. The girls were chatting about ten year old girl stuff. They never acknowledged his daughter and she never acknowledged them. This made him realize how far behind his daughter is socially and what that may mean long term.  It is these moments , good or bad, that remind you how different your child is from the norm.

We are fortune that Robbie is in a self contained classroom, which means all the kids are on the spectrum and the teacher to child ratio is 1 to 1 or better. This also means there are no models of behavior for Robbie or me. Still, I am confident he is in the right place. Maybe one day he will be able to mainstream for a portion of the day, but right now I know he is safe from exclusion and getting his feeling hurt.

 One of the aids and his teacher has told us how funny he is and how much he adds to the class.
At dinner last night, we experienced this.  Robbie was fake crying, as he often does. He said "Robbie is crying." I asked why and he replied "Because I won't ever be president." We all laughed, including Robbie. It was a line from a movie, but he was trying to be funny and succeeded! I told him he probably will not ever be president. However, can you imagine having a president on the spectrum. One who would not lie, cheat or steal because those behaviors go against their very nature! It could be amazing!! One can dream........................