There's a lot of noise in my head

 One of the many skills Robbie is continuing to develop is the ability to express himself. This is something many us - on the autism spectrum or not- struggle with. For Robbie- much of his communication is relied in terms of movie lines or scene.  " The movies are in my head. They make a lot of noise. I say no- not again and they say yes again Robbie. Too many things in my head."  

Robbie being able to articulate this, calmly and clearly is the most important skill of all. I am so proud of how far he's come. We talked about Inside Out 2 and the additional emotions that were added to Reilly as she became a teenager.  Anxiety, Envy, Embarrassment and Ennui - a feeling of tiredness and boredom- were added to Anger, Fear, Disgust, Joy and sadness.   Anxiety is an emotion he has struggled with for as long as I can remember. Much of it was due to not being able to express himself. 

I should preface this by explaining how the conversation started.  Robbie came into my office where I was working, and showed me his " white shirt had a hole."  Robbie wears white t-shirts to bed with pajama bottoms every night.  Together we examined the hole. It was slightly larger than a pin hole. So small that sewing it would make it look worse. My first response was to say it's no big deal and lets just ignore it- but looking at his face I determined that wasn't the best response. He was filled with anxiety over the small hole on the back of his sleep shirt. Together we discussed what to do. Should we try to sew it? Should we put it back in his drawer? Should we discard it and order some new white t-shirts?  The third option was decided and together we picked out an inexpensive pack of Hanes XXL t-shirts from amazon.  Problem number one solved - but at that time he sat on the couch and spoke about the noise in his head.  Problem number two. 

As I listened to Robbie I realized , like many of us, he just needed to be heard. He needed my undivided attention as he explained his feelings. Once we spoke about it, he had let the emotions out of his head through his mouth.  We took a deep breathe together, and of course- " Can I have a hug?" Which is an ask that occurs multiple times throughout the day.  Then he looked at me and said- " your mom is dead. She is in heaven. Do you miss her?"  He does this often since she passed in March, and it takes my breathe away for a second almost every time.  Yes Robbie I do miss her, but I know she is watching us and feeling joy at how far you've come.