The Spider-Verse

We went to see the new Spider man movie yesterday- myself and all three kids. It's an animated movie which shows multiple spider people- in multiple universes - all co existing- yet helping each other- while not even realizing it. I had a few realizations as we watched and I'm going to try and put them on paper - but it is a lot. 

Nicole Kidman comes on screen - pre movie these days- to talk about why we love movies. I'm attempting to paraphrase her dialogue- as it was so on point with what I'm about to write. "We all need this. The lights dim, we feel the sound, the emotion- takes us to another place."

I often wondered why Robbie is so obsessed with movies. Recently we changed his treatment plan to include a Psychiatrist. One of the first things she mentioned was that Robbie's sensory system processes very differently than most of ours do. Things are much more amplified. Sounds, smells, touch, taste- its all much more intense- or sometimes muted for him. This is why after a school day- he's mentally and physically exhausted. He needs his down time- to recalibrate.  This is something I am aware of but it does help to be reminded- especially as there is pressure to get him involved in activities outside of school- and outside of the home. He will start an activity - seem to love it- and suddenly not want to participate any longer. Buddy club, soccer, boxing, bowling, swimming- the list is endless. The one thing that had been consistent -and he always seemed to enjoy - was home based ABA- Therapy- which stopped around Covid.

 But back to movies- It makes sense to me for Robbie to love movies- it takes him out of his own racing thoughts and emotions and allows him to get into something else. This new Spiderman movie was so visually stimulating- for me - over stimulating- colors and shapes- a million things on he screen at once.  The emotions- happiness, fear, sadness, anger- its all there.  For Robbie- the most current struggle is expressing his emotions- or really even understanding them. The rest of us can articulate these things- or we go to therapy for help : )  He's growing up- which scares him. He gets frustrated and angry- which upsets him. He loves  his family -which calms him- for a minute. He wants hugs- just gently - but frequently. He needs to take slow deep breaths often. He speaks in small, short phrases. This was from this morning-

I'm tired  

I'm feeling better

I'm watch a movie 

I'm a watch a movie in my room

I'm tired 

I got a little frustrated

I feel better

I feel happy

I'm sorry I told you to shut up

Are you happy

You can't be happy

Robbie- it's ok to feel frustrated. It's ok to feel sad. It's ok to feel angry. It's ok to feel happy.  As one of my best friends pointed out to me- I am currently going through a similar range of emotions. After years of pushing down feelings so you can simply survive - it's suddenly a unique experience to feel everything. It can be overwhelming. The multi Spider- Verses - were overwhelming for me, but maybe for Robbie, he finds comfort in the escape. Shutting everything down- while eating his favorite food - popcorn and drinking his favorite drink - sprite. In a big comfortable chair- with his mom and siblings next to him. He knows he's safe. 

Two of my favorite lines from this movie-  the first from one spider person to another- 

                      " You and me-" "We're the same- in the most important ways."  

This is so true- we all have emotions, need friendships, love and to feel safe- it can just look a little different - for all of us :) 

From the mom to her son-

"Wherever you go from here, you have to promise to take care of that little boy for me. Make sure he never forgets where he came from. And he never doubts that he's loved. And he never lets anyone tell him that he doesn't belong there. You have to promise."

   Robbie- I 've got you - you're safe here and we'll figure it out - together- along with the ABA therapist, home counselor , psychiatrist, neurologist  and primary care physician -   No one person can do it all- not even Spiderman :)