OLD.........................

 There is a movie coming out this week- called OLD. It's scary and I pray Robbie never sees the preview of this movie. Why? Because getting old is a huge stressor for him. And movies are a crucial way he communicates with the world.  Sadness and Joy from Inside out are a huge part of our communication system. Back to getting old....his grandparents and gamparents- my parents -Gama and Gampa-  are old (his words - not mine.....) and he wants to make them young. His parents- especially me- he does not not want to grow old.  He also doesn't want to " grow old" himself.  There is some video he saw - months ago -showing a boy who was  grounded to his room. The cartoon video spans over 70 years with the boy, teenager, man , old man talking about how he was grounded. It spans his entire life- in his bedroom- being grounded. Getting older is tough for all but for Robbie it is a major source of anxiety.  Usually I feel fairly confident in my ability to help him manage his stress. Usually I have an easy explanation as to why he should just breathe.  This one is tough. Tough because my career surrounds it as well. I work for a company who provides Hospice care.  In that space- I feel 100% confident speaking to end of life care and goals of care. But that is to others. That isn't to my son, with special needs. Who I am terrified about what will happen - to him, for him, when I am gone. We can plan for those times- but who will love him? Who will tell him to breathe? Who will make sure he gets what he needs to be a healthy, happy member of society? When he won't be able to do all those things on his own..... Or - do I start these conversations- the ones I feel so confident about with people I have never seen. Do I explain to my son- who has Autism- that we all get older. We all  die- its the journey that matters. And that I will always be here- at least in spirit - to love him.  As I write this Robbie comes into my room to tell me - " Mom, I love warm hugs - Do you love warm hugs?"  Yes Olaf.... I mean Robbie. I love your hugs.