The Differences of those on the spectrum

 Everyone is unique- even those on the spectrum. What I've learned over the years is each child - especially Robbie's friends have some distinct similarities- but many more differences.  Differences in physical abilities, response to social and nonsocial stimuli, and the activities they enjoy. Each year Robbie asks to have his friends over to celebrate his birthday. Each year we plan the big event. The food- always pizza, the cake, and the theme. Each year he is extremely excited about his birthday. We talk about it for weeks prior to. Each year ( with the exception of last year - Covid- ugh) he invites his friends , who all seem happy to attend. Each year I envision this amazing party where Robbie and his friends play together. In my mind I see them interacting and laughing. What ends up happening is, Robbie's friends arrive. They eat. They walk around and check things out. They are smiling and seem happy but there is rarely much interactive play. They don't socialize in the same way his little brother and friends do. They also don't need extended hours of social interaction. Some can definitely tolerate more than others. Some are more verbal than others. Robbie loves movies and could watch for hours. Most of his friends don't share the same passion- at least for extended time periods. But , after years of attempting an epic event I have learned a shorter length of time is better for Robbie.  While he does crave social interaction, he can only tolerate an hour or less. Some years he would leave his friends and retreat into his room. Now, I realize- for Robbie adding small social and nonsocial events throughout his week are more beneficial. A lunch outing with friends at his favorite restaurant. Going to the park with a friend to swing and play basketball. Going to the gym with me in the morning or going for a short swim. Today I took him to the gym for a swim and after 30 minutes - he was done. The woman at the front commented- that was fast. I explained he is on the autism spectrum and only likes short doses of whatever he's doing. They may see up twice on Sundays- but for no longer than 30 minutes. 

Educating those who come into contact with Robbie has also been very important. Whether it be family or friends. A friend of Timmy's Mom recently asked me if it would distress Robbie to talk to him directly? For a minute, the question made me pause- but it also made me so happy that she asked. I'm sure it was uncomfortable to inquire but it shows me that people are curious and they care enough to talk about it. I had another friend discuss extending Robbie's social interactment each time so he could tolerate it more. While in theory- that makes sense , I also know it's ok to help him get what he needs and leave it at that. Again, each kid is different.

To clarify- Robbie loves it when you talk to him directly. He responds best to those who treat him just they treat every other kid. He is happiest at places that don't make him feel any different. I hope I don't make him feel any less as I do feel the need to let people know about his disability. He's 6 feet tall and weighs 215 pounds. To glance at him , you might not catch the disability- but if you look at him closely you'll see the stimming behavior or the lack of eye contact or maybe you'll hear him say " You got me Mom?  Mom, have you you got me? You got me???"   And my response - which is always the same.  "Yes Robbie, I've got you. I've always got you."