Autism takes

This statement may sound a bit harsh, but Autism takes. In the beginning Autism takes away hopes and dreams. As time goes on and your child grows up and matures a bit, some hope returns. Shortly after, it is taken away again. Rinse, repeat, rinse, repeat , if you catch my drift. Just about the time I feel like I really have a handle on things, something comes crashing down. Just as Emily Perl Kingsley says, you're not going to Italy, which you had prepared for, you are going to Holland. Or even more perfectly stated by Rachel, a fellow special needs mom, in her blog " The Kevin Chronicles"  you're suddenly in the club that No One Wants To be a Member of Including the Members of This club, club.
Lately for me, it has been aggression. Robbie is so angry. Anything can set him off. It is affecting the whole family.  We've also experienced some regression. For example medicine- we had gotten to the point where Robbie would take cough medicine for a cough. Robbie would take headache medicine for a headache. Robbie would take his nightly medication with out argument. Now, it is all a battle that we are not winning.  Almost any outing or activity that was once enjoyable is now stressful. I picked Robbie up early from school so we could go to his book fair and buy books for himself and his siblings. Something we have done the past two years. Robbie was happy to see me yet as we entered the library he became agitated. He picked up a book and when I suggested we keep looking but hold on to it he began screaming at the top of his lungs. The next stop was to pick up brother at daycare. Again something we've done many times. As we pulled in the parking lot he again became agitated. I had a sinking feeling as it was still nap time inside for the little ones. I explained that we needed to pick up Timmy and he could either wait in the car which I've never offered but feared the screaming episode of the library or come quietly with me. He chose to come with me but started to become loud as soon as we touched the door. His volume increased as we entered the building.  Again, this is the time of day where most of the children are still napping and I creep in to pick Timmy up to ensure we get Lexi on time. The feeling of control is gone and that feeling of embarrassment is back. To be clear, the embarrassment is not from Robbie's autism but from your inability to have any control over your child, who once was somewhat under control. You knew when and why the meltdowns were to occur.  He is not a toddler. This is not a new diagnosis. After years of struggle and daily tears, this should get easier, or at least not harder.
And then come the questions. Is Robbie in a new school? No. Does Robbie have a new teacher? No Is Robbie in a new classroom? No. His child study team think it could be due to hormones and behaviors. Did you know those on the spectrum tend to go through puberty earlier than their neuro- typical peers? Neither did I, but apparently so, says his teachers.  So again, what do we do.
1) Tomorrow a new Behaviorist is coming to develop a program.
2) New medications begin as soon as we can get blood work done.
3) I know this is a bump in the road or the journey of autism and we will move forward, but it sucks.