Family........love

After Robbie was diagnosed I remember seeing a news program- 20/20 or something similar. The story showcased was about families with multiple children- all on the spectrum. I remember 2 families clearly. One had 4 boys who where all considered moderate to severe. They lived in a small Midwestern town. They traveled to and from school on the disabled bus- or the short bus as it sometimes referred as. The boys would come home from school and all sit and have a snack before additional therapies or homework was begun. I remember seeing one of the boys, at his kitchen counter eating a plate of doritos and ranch dressing. I remember thinking, he should be on a gluten free / casein free diet- as  I had Robbie on at the time. He was older than Robbie and " that was clearly the answer"-  I thought at the time.  The other family had young children- 3 or 4 - all on the spectrum. They were mild to moderate. A lot of behavior issues. Lexi was 1 at that time.  It made me a little nervous , however they were all boys and knowing that autism affects more boys than girls , I took a breathe. And watched. And to be honest, cried , a lot.
My mother had recommended a book for me to read as well. This book was written by an autism mom- with 5 kids. Only 1 was on the spectrum. Their story was beautiful and difficult. Autism affects every part of your life- and everyone in your life as well. Every decision needs to made with extra care.  Looking back though- those news broadcasts scared me. How could I bring more children into the world with the possibility of autism? How could I care for more children with special needs?
Fast forward 5 years. Robbie is 8- and still considered moderate on the spectrum- but communicating. Recently he told me about the candy corn he drew in class and had in his backpack to show me later. He went to an art class after school. He had his behaviorist with him- but he did a great job and was happy. Lexi is 6- neurotypical, smart, really sweet and an amazing sister. Timmy- my little gift- is 16 months- on track it seems, and a perfect addition to this crazy family. I know how wonderful it is for Robbie to have siblings. I wish I had not be so scared and possibly brave enough to have had more children. A pack. To keep each other company and drive each other crazy- as family can do. Family is wonderful. They will be here for each other when Dad and I are gone. Hopefully sharing memories of how annoying we were when they were teenagers and how wonderful their childhood was. One can dream.........
Moral is- don't let fear make decsions for you. Life is short, scary and beautiful.