Why I love christmas...........one of the many reasons

"I love snow! I love lights! I love December!" yells Robbie as we leave a basketball game, that Dad was coaching, tonight. All I can see is the pure joy on his face. Of course he did a little spin as he said it and a flap or two, but all I could see was an eight year boy who is happy. He loves this time of year- as most children do. For him - it is magical. This morning he was literally kneeling and praying to a picture of Santa Claus asking the he come down the chimney this year. When I mentioned this to Gama- she joked that we need to start going to church. (Church is a whole different subject to be discussed at a later time.) I mentioned it to a doctor I call on at a lunch appointment today. He seemed a bit alarmed. He does not know Robbie or the innocence of autism. The true beauty of it is- he did not ask for presents. He just wanted to see Santa. He did not yell "I love all the gifts I get in December." This week he came home with gifts for the family that he had purchased from the dollar store on an annual class field trip. He was so excited when he came home. He wanted to show me right away. He began to open one of the gifts and I explained he had to wait until Christmas because those were gifts for the family. He got upset and ran to his room. I looked in his binder where every day we get a note about his day. His teacher said he had done such great job picking out gifts for his family. he wrapped each one perfectly. ( He wraps my gifts too- a benefit of  the obsessive compulsive behaviors that sometimes accompanies autism.)  I looked the receipt that came with my change. Baby bottle,  Elsa- from Frozen-  ornament, picture frame, etc, Each gift carefully thought out. I felt guilty. He wanted to share the gifts he had purchased.
Tonight I turned on the television when we arrived home. Polar express is on. He has loved this movie for years. As I  write this post he is - as Robbie does- talking to the tv- happy to see Santa.  "Look Santa- I love Christmas!" He simply loves the spirit of the season. That is worth praying for :)

Family........love

After Robbie was diagnosed I remember seeing a news program- 20/20 or something similar. The story showcased was about families with multiple children- all on the spectrum. I remember 2 families clearly. One had 4 boys who where all considered moderate to severe. They lived in a small Midwestern town. They traveled to and from school on the disabled bus- or the short bus as it sometimes referred as. The boys would come home from school and all sit and have a snack before additional therapies or homework was begun. I remember seeing one of the boys, at his kitchen counter eating a plate of doritos and ranch dressing. I remember thinking, he should be on a gluten free / casein free diet- as  I had Robbie on at the time. He was older than Robbie and " that was clearly the answer"-  I thought at the time.  The other family had young children- 3 or 4 - all on the spectrum. They were mild to moderate. A lot of behavior issues. Lexi was 1 at that time.  It made me a little nervous , however they were all boys and knowing that autism affects more boys than girls , I took a breathe. And watched. And to be honest, cried , a lot.
My mother had recommended a book for me to read as well. This book was written by an autism mom- with 5 kids. Only 1 was on the spectrum. Their story was beautiful and difficult. Autism affects every part of your life- and everyone in your life as well. Every decision needs to made with extra care.  Looking back though- those news broadcasts scared me. How could I bring more children into the world with the possibility of autism? How could I care for more children with special needs?
Fast forward 5 years. Robbie is 8- and still considered moderate on the spectrum- but communicating. Recently he told me about the candy corn he drew in class and had in his backpack to show me later. He went to an art class after school. He had his behaviorist with him- but he did a great job and was happy. Lexi is 6- neurotypical, smart, really sweet and an amazing sister. Timmy- my little gift- is 16 months- on track it seems, and a perfect addition to this crazy family. I know how wonderful it is for Robbie to have siblings. I wish I had not be so scared and possibly brave enough to have had more children. A pack. To keep each other company and drive each other crazy- as family can do. Family is wonderful. They will be here for each other when Dad and I are gone. Hopefully sharing memories of how annoying we were when they were teenagers and how wonderful their childhood was. One can dream.........
Moral is- don't let fear make decsions for you. Life is short, scary and beautiful.