Want a different response? Ask a different question!

As a psychology major I know the phrase "The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results." Everyday I ask Robbie " How was your day?"  Every day I get the same response. " My day was good." Additional questions vary, What was your favorite part of the day? What was your least favorite part of the day? Last night was a quiet night at the dinner table. Lexi had a "make-up" soccer game- and explaining to her that there would be no eye shadow or lipstick involved was quite hysterical. Dad took Lexi to her game- something he had been looking forward to. The boys and I were on our own at home. After getting the boys a large helping of macaroni and cheese I came to sit as well. "Robbie, How was your day?" It comes immediately from my mouth, even though I know I will get the same response. " My day was good." What did you do today? was my next question. There was a pause and a response. "I showed Miss Kim my pirate costume. She wanted to see. Was in the backpack." He was wearing the pirate costume at this point- which he had gotten the night before and was moderately obsessed with.  I felt tears well up in my eyes. This was a milestone. Robbie has never answered that type of a question. I'm not sure he really has ever answered a direct question with more than a one word answer. I said "Robbie, I'm going to cry." He asked if I was sad. I told him how happy I was to hear him talk. I loved his words and I was so incredibly proud of him. He smiled, jumped, flapped and said "eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." That's my boy!!

Its hard to explain how important this is. It's the type of interactions most of us take for granted because it comes easily. Of course everyone knows that dialogue between people, communication, is important. For Robbie, this opens up a entire world. I know I will not get a response every time I ask, but again- all I could think of was the Dr. Seuss book I have read countless times to all 3 of my munchkins.

Oh, the Places You'll Go! by Dr. Seuss. Congratulations! Today is your day.

You're off to Great Places! You're off and away! You have brains in your head.

You have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself any direction you choose. 

Excuse me. Hey Kids........................................

"Excuse me. Hey kids. The water goes in the top and the food comes out the bottom." Then a bit of mumbling about the name of the machine which does this - the Flint Lockwood Diatonic Super Mutating Dynamic Food Replicator, or FLDSMDFR for short. (it is a tough word)
This is how Robbie may begin a social interaction. The exciting part- is he is really trying to engage in social interaction with other kids. The tough part - is...... see above. The "kids" have no idea what he is talking about. I have been trying to explain to Robbie he needs to tell the kids what movie he is scripting from(Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs) because there is a good chance they will not know- at least not right away. I have no idea if he really heard or processed my advice. He was still in the middle of scripting from the movie.
Lexi on the other hand is my social 6 year old. She loves making friends and playing with kids in the neighborhood. She is quick to tell them her brother has Autism and most seem to take it in stride. It is likely they have no idea what autism means. Robbie gets excited when there are kids in our backyard or when they come to the door. Yet he keeps his distance. I think it is because they are close to his age and 6 and 7 year old girls tend to be quite loud. He still tends to attempt interaction with younger kids. They give him more of a chance.


I was talking to a cousin of my husbands last weekend. She causally mentioned that she had not seen us at a family event- a basketball game between cousins who are a few years older than Robbie. I paused for a second. That type of an event never crossed my mind to attend. We just don't go to those types of things. Partly because we are all busy with our own lives but as I peeled back the layers of the last few years the real answer is- they were too hard. The noise, the crowds, the unfamiliar environment- and who knows where the bathrooms are when you need them immediately. I explained that we just don't go to many events as a family. We tend to split up or skip all together. Honestly- many times making excuses as to why. More recently , coming clean- it's just too hard. Luckily , life has gotten "easier." It is a combination of Robbie maturing and us understanding his limitations and how to manage them.
Sometimes I feel like yelling at the top of my lungs- "My son has Autism!!! And he is doing Great!!!"   ( And yes Mom and Dad-I will admit- the tattoo of the puzzle piece on my wrist was my passage aggressive way of doing just that.)  Truthfully- Robbie is doing really well- for Robbie. We all have things to work on.  For Robbie some are- how to tie his shoes and how to engage in appropriate social interaction. For Lexi some are how to tie her shoes and how to balance schoolwork and playtime. For Timmy some are how to say a few more words and give "Hi Fives." Mine are way too long to list.  ;)


Have you ever felt like you were a little bit different? Like you had something unique to offer the world, if you could just get people to see it. Then you know exactly how it felt to be me. - Flint Lockwood- Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs

The good, the bad and the.........OH NO, he didn't..........

Let's just dive into.... OH NO, he didn't. We are at a really good friends pool. A place we have gone many, many times. There are many kids in and out of the pool as neighbors stop by. The age range is Timmy at 1 to Robbie at age 8, with many 3, 4 and 5 year olds sprinkled in between. Suddenly we hear- "everyone out of the pool."  Most of the kids responded quickly, with Robbie lagging behind. "There is poop in the pool."  My first thought is, it must be one of the little kids.  Rob's first question is " Robbie, did you poop in the pool?"  "Yes I did, ( jump, flap) EEEeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." (jump, flap.) Smiling the whole time.  Besides feeling embarrassed and mildly horrified, I felt sad. My 8 year old was the one who pooped in the pool and had a different reaction to it than I would have expected.  I think he was embarrassed, really embarrassed. However he did not know how to express this emotion. He continued to smile, a very awkward smile. Rob brought him into the house to clean up as best he could. ( Of course the only items that did not make it into our bag were Robbie's spare clothes- things I never travel without, out of habit.)  Shortly after we gathered up our things and I explained to Robbie that it was time to go. Lexi of course threw a fit, asking why and whining that we didn't stay long enough. Robbie kept trying to get my attention by putting his face directly in front of mine and smiling this awkward smile, saying, "yes, lets go home." He was looking for a similar response from me, to reassure him all was alright in the world. Later that evening he threw up in the bathroom. He obviously did not feel well and I assume got distracted by his happy place- water.  I realized he was embarrassed and didn't really know how to react. That being said, I guess the response was "normal."  How do you react when embarrassed?
Some of the other things that have been going on are as expected. Home instructional ABA, while effective at getting Robbie to do a task, still has set backs. Recently he was asked what his sister's name is. He could not answer. She had been out of the house at a cousins for the night- that may have affected his lack of recall, but honestly we see regression every summer vacation, every winter and spring break.  Additionally we had a horrible trip to the dentist. Screaming, crying, almost to the point of vomiting. The decision that was made is for a " check up" annually and then hospital operating room visits every 5 years, or if there are problems, for dental care.  While leaving the dentist Robbie did say "Thank you!" with way too much volume and enthusiasm.
The good is some of the new ABA therapy seems very specific to Robbie. For example he will be asked to identify a letter from our ABC board. Write the letter. A few letters will create a word.  Read the word. Do the action. For instance JUMP. Perfect and engaging for the sensory seeking, hard to focus side of our beautiful little boy. We also have had a lot of swim time. Pool and beach. Some pump it up jump time and backyard swing time. All the input he needs.
 As school approaches I will say a little prayer for quick catch up, lots of learning and possibly making a real friend or two. You just never know where our son will land. We just do our best to enjoy the ride through childhood!!