Don't judge- Sleep is key

I just finished reading a blog written yet another Autism Mom. Her son is now 21 years old and she discussed "age appropriateness" for her son. He loves sesame street and Elmo stuffed animals.  While it may be sweet for a 5 year old she does explain he can have items at home but a 21 year old can't wear an Elmo backpack- he would get bullied.  This is an example of how all of us have expectations regarding development. Your child crawls, then walks, then runs, etc.  For some of us with children on the spectrum , things are different.  We have struggled with sleep challenges for years. Yes- years. Robbie is 8 years old. As a young toddler , he was a great sleeper. He would walk himself up to bed. Ask for a story and a snuggle. I would kiss him goodnight and leave the room. He would sleep in his own bed, most of the time. However as he has grown , there is a large amount of anxiety regarding nighttime. He knows he needs his "nighttime juice" to sleep. He has even tried crushing the tablets of clonidine on his own when he had a long stretch of insomnia. He wants to sleep. The trouble involves him sleeping on his own. He needs a warm body next to him. It can be Mom, Dad, or his sister. However, if that  warm body gets up, even to go to the bathroom, he will wake and most likely , not go back to sleep, no matter what time it is. This leaves him exhausted. It also makes it more difficult for him to learn and absorb material during the day- which is already a challenge.
Yes, we have tried a body pillow. Yes we have tried a weighted blanket. Yes we have tried a sensory diet. Yes we have tried a dog. Yes we have tried and tried and tried behavior modification, walking him back to room and waiting for him to sleep. Creeping further away. Even locking the door.  None of these approaches have worked. So, after years of being exhausted, we have modified our approach. Someone sleeps with Robbie. I know there is a lot of judgment regarding sleeping in your own room. For us, getting a some sleep versus no sleep has taken priority.  So again, as an Autism Mom, I say don't judge.  It has taken me a long time to get to the place where I am no longer judging myself or feeling like a failure because our nighttime routine does not look like many others. I am sure it will not always be this way. One of the many things Robbie has taught me is there is no timeline for him. He does things at his own pace, in his own time. For now we roll with it.