A Norman Rockwell Night

I had been working on this piece discussing how scary the prevalence of Autism is today versus 40 years ago. The numbers are staggering-
In the 70s,  ASD was estimated to be about 1 in 10,000. In 2010, the rate of ASD for children born in 2002 was 1 in 68 –(1  in 42 boys).   NJ has the highest rate in the country. 1 in 45 for children and 1 in 28 for boys.
I picked the 70's as a starting point because that was the era in which I was born. I have heard my mother say that she never saw Autism back then and I wondered if it was hidden, swept under the rug with mental illness, or truly a rare occurrence.
According to the data- it was a rare occurrence. I have many more thoughts on that subject- for another time.

So moving on we experienced what I'll refer to as a "Norman Rockwell" night. All five of us gathered around the dinner table- to a meal that was actually planned and cooked by me. Our daughter began by asking us to share our favorite part of the day- a tradition- when we all actually get to sit down for a meal together. She went first talking about the play date she had after school and the various "Frozen" themed activities they had partaken in. I asked Timmy- who of course can not respond at 8 months old. I did on his behalf discussing his wonderful bowel movements, glorious bottles and lack of naps. Next up was Robbie. I asked Robbie- even prompting him with the craft he made, and had shown me, at his after school social skills class. Expecting no response as usual and prepared to move on to Dad- Robbie said " in my backpack. Dad, let me get it." and got his newly made bracelet from his backpack to show his father. It developed into a discussion regarding the colors he used and with pride he displayed what he had made. Robbie has never answered that question- What was the best part of your day? Even with prompts. So while I did give him the suggestion- he actually used it and gave us a glimpse of his day. A glimpse is a beginning though , and I'll take it. It is progress!!!!
The wave of emotion I felt was overwhelming and my eyes welled up with tears. I told my husband I thought I might really cry. Later while all the kids were in the playroom he said" Can you believe this family we have?" It was an evening I wish I could freeze forever.

For some laughter at the world of Autism - at least in our family, I'll give you a snap shot of our crazy stress filled morning. At 8:00am I get all three kids into my car to drop Lexi off at school and make it back in time for Robbie to get the bus around 8:20am.  This morning while loading the kids in the car- at 8:05am I realize there is no car seat base for Timmy. Clearly I can not drive anywhere without a base to clip his seat into. Remembering Rob had taken my car on Friday night to the father daughter dance- and realizing he had removed the base to make room for an extra booster seat for a friend of Lexi's whose father was sick and unable to attend.  I frantically rummage through the disaster we call our garage looking for the base, texting Rob because I can not find it. He responds that he has it, along with the other base  to which I say- a little too loudly " I'm going to kill Daddy."- (Probably a few times as I call a friend in a panic, hoping she can drive Lexi to school. She could- all was saved.) After Lexi is picked up, I grab the car seat containing my 23+ pound 8 month old, Robbie's hand and  head back inside. Robbie says " I'm going to kill Daddy."  I chuckle. The bus arrives and as we walk out the door , Robbie smiles and says " I'm going to kill Daddy."  He thinks it's funny. OMG- all I can think at the moment. What if Robbie gets onto the bus and mutters over and over  "I'm going to kill Daddy." - or worse yet gets to school and does the same thing? Will I get a phone call or god knows what kind of visitor inquiring why Robbie is saying he wants to kill his Dad? Honestly- I am laughing to myself on one hand but feeling a little nervous as well. We had an incident in the past where he was talking about hurting someone and while we knew he never would and must be repeating something- it made us pause for fear of what others might think. I explain what happened to bus driver and aide- just in case- and they laugh along with me. Just to be safe I also send a quick email to his teacher- who also thinks it is hysterical.
I  feel blessed to have this beautiful family. Autism and all. And no, I did not kill Daddy. Lexi also asked me after dinner if I still planned on it.  Guess I need to watch what I say a little more closely. :)
 To Rob- xxoo