Fear

I am afraid- very afraid. My sweet baby boy ..... is showing signs of autism.  The same signs that we missed with Robbie. The same signs that early intervention missed with Robbie. The same signs our pediatrician does not see.......yet?  Believe me when I say, I pray I am wrong.  Unfortunately my gut and my husbands says otherwise. What are the signs?  I am going to try  to post a link to an incredibly helpful autism program that shows the signs that are so often missed. I shed tears watching it, because I saw Robbie.  So- here it is from the Hummel house. Timmy is a very happy, pleasant baby. His eye contact is good- says the pediatrician.  The concerns are .... he moves a lot. His legs especially are going, going, going. He LOVES the jumpy swing that its in the doorway. His body gets tense very often. His focus gets lost. If I didn't know better I would think he was looking at me- my eyes- but really he is looking at my hair many times. It moves. He is affected by loud noises- very easily..  (Robbie was not/ is not affected by noise but it is a trait in many on the spectrum.)
Again, I hope and pray I am wrong. But fear that is not the case. The "correct" response to this challenge is to say " I know what I need to do"  " Been there done that"  and all of those responses are correct but here are a few others.  "What happens when I am gone or too old to care for my special needs children?" " I don't want to put that ..... whatever you may call it.... on Lexi." My hope was , she would have a sibling to be with her through any tough decisions that needed to be made regarding Robbie when I am gone. And yes the truth is I know what steps to take if Timmy is on the spectrum but the reality is, those steps suck. The process sucks. The sense of loss sucks. The realization that the dreams you had for your child are probably not going to happen.  Not the dreams of them playing professional sports, but  the dreams of them having a productive happy life filled with friends and a family of their own..  Worst post ever during such a happy time of year..............definitely.  And don't get me wrong. We are so excited for Christmas this year.  5 month. 5 years old and 7 years old are incredible ages for Santa. Believe me, it will be a magical year!! Pictures and videos for sure.  And again I hope and pray we are wrong or over cautious but I fear we are not.