Making progress

Every few weeks Robbie's school holds a "clinic"- which is really a parent- teacher conference. Not only does the teacher attend, but the speech therapist and case manager do as well. The reports are all pretty good and encouraging. Robbie is making progress. He is communicating more. The next step would be to transition into an autistic kindergarten program. The class is across the hall, which makes the transition easier. From there, they do try to integrate with the main stream children for "specials"- music, art and gym. My husband attended this last clinic and came home with the good report. I was so excited to hear the news- I misunderstood what he had told me. I thought they were saying Robbie might be mainstreamed for first grade. What an accomplishment! The truth is he will not be. First grade will most likely be at a different school with additional special needs class rooms. They will make an effort while he at his current school to integrate and see how it goes for short sessions. Intellectually, this makes the most sense. I know Robbie is not ready to be in a regular classroom. I was just so excited to "hear" the possibility.
I am trying not to be disappointed. We have a long way to go and I am truly happy with his progress. It is just slow. His 2 year old sister has a much wider vocabulary. She speaks in full sentences and makes up imaginary scenarios. She "reads" books to herself- getting a few words right- just from memory, as we read the same books over and over.
Rob and I got into the conversation , again, last night. How could we have missed the signs. In retrospect- some signs were there. Again we feel because he is so loving and does smile and laugh, we over looked the spaciness and lack of words. "He's a boy, they mature later, they develop language later." I should have had an idea when the biting began in the 2 year old room at day care. Especially when a friend of mine had said her son told her Robbie had bitten him. (She wasn't mad- it's daycare, it happens) I remember being amazed that a two year old could communicate that clearly. Still, I thought, hopped, Robbie would catch up. Now here we are. He will be 5 years old in March. He has memorized a lot of phrases. "What is your name? How old are you? Where do you go to school?, etc." The challenge is- does he really understand what he is saying, or is it programed like a computer.
Again, we're looking long term. Rob teaches special education and there is a gym class on Fridays where many of the students are autistic. Part of me wants to go and observe. Most of me knows I will be a mess when I see what my husband sees everyday. The 17 year old boys flapping their hands, not being able to sit still, only having a few key phrases and their career choices are to work at Shop Rite or Wawa stocking shelves. I'm not sure I am really ready to handle that reality. Right now he is a cute little boy who is working so hard. I have to dream that he will have friends, get married, have a fulfilling career. I have to keep hoping. I can't deal with the alternative. So we continue with intense ABA, speech and OT. What else can you do?