10 things I wish for

10 things that I wish you would accept, no questions asked- written by a 22 year old with Autism and 10 more things I hope you can understand- written by me

1) I can be surprising good at one thing ( remembering conversations precisely as they happened many years after the fact) and surprising bad at another (like keeping track of receipts or remembering the procedure for filling a prescription.)
2) Just because I have the words to type it does not mean I have the words to say it.
3) I really do hate to melt down, especially in public. If there was another way out I would always take it.
4) I never play stupid. If I ask a question or say I don't get it, it means I don't get it. Please don't make me feel dumber by saying that I'm faking it, just because it seems straight forward.
5) What may be slightly bothersome to you, like the waistband on a pair of pants, can cause me to be a witch all day... or at least until i change clothes! If I'm crabby, it's because something is physically uncomfortable in the sensory realm of things. Until that thing changes, I will continue to be crabby.
6) I can't control my excitement over cats. So if you mention cats or point out a cat realize that I'm going to get excited. Let me enjoy it. A little happiness never hurt anyone, eh?
7) I am often completely unaware of self injurious behaviors. I scratch, hit, bite, and pick often, and much more frequently when I'm agitated for some reason. In the moment I don't know that I'm doing it; if made aware it's so compulsive that I almost physically can't stop myself. But using my head, obviously i don't like the results of it.
8) I am exactly the same person inside regardless of how engaged ( or disengaged) I am with the environment and others in it. Yes, you might have to change some things based on how I'm reacting in the moment, but please continue to treat me like the person I am.
9) Engagement and happiness do not depend on one another! I can be just as happy off in my own world as I am fully engaged with you. However, a lot depends on you, here. If I'm disengaged and you're forcing me to "act normal" then no, I don't feel very happy. If you're interacting with me in a way that I can be in that moment then I can be as happy as I've ever been.
10) While autism does mean that I am absorbed within myself (aut means self, after all) , that doesn't mean that I don't want you around. If you can come to me, rather than forcing me out of my world to come to you, then I'd love to let you in. There's a whole world in here: maybe you should check it out.

There are so many reasons I love this. First of all- It helps me understand my son a little better. Additionally it gives me hope that Robbie will be able to express himself as this young woman has done. Lastly it has given me the courage to write my 10 things list.

1) When you see a child "tantrum" in public please do not assume it is a combination of bad parenting and a spoiled child.

2) Please be understanding of the limitations we face as we try to decipher what Robbie wants/needs. Please don't compare Robbie to other children his age.

3) While I understand the thought process- I do not believe in God only gives you what you can handle. Everything happens for a reason.

4) If you have a possible solution to a particular challenge we face- I'd love to hear it.

5) Don't be upset if i do not take your advice regarding the solution because there is a high probability we have tried it, researched it, and used it previously.

6) Things that work today may not work tomorrow. Our issue today may not be our issue tomorrow.

7) If I am defensive regarding my son- please don't hold it against me. I am often scared, sad and tired. I am trying to balance the expectation of a " normal" life for Robbie and the facts I have learned about Autism.

8) The rate of Autism is increasing. 1 in 70 boys are diagnosed. I do not know why. I have a hypothesis- but do not not know why.

9) I am not Jenny McCarthy, or any other celebrity who had the good fortune to "cure" their child. The reality is they have hundreds of thousands of dollars at their disposal and there is huge possibility those children were not truly autistic to begin with. They could have suffered from many other things.

10) I love my son more than my own life and would not trade him for anything in the world. Rob (Dad) and I are doing everything we can to ensure Robbie is loved and will be taken care of for as long as he should need.