Sensory friendly movies

Today Robbie and I went our first "sensory friendly movie" sponsored by New Behavioral Network. The movie- How to train a dragon- was shown but not in 3D, the volume was lowered and the theatre was full of Autistic children, teens, adults and their families. It is a great idea because the kids are able to stand, speak and eat snacks their parents had provided. The reality is it's noisy and distracting because of this. The boy behind me was kicking my seat- his mother apologized. I looked at her and said " don't worry about it- really- we all get it." A few minutes later Robbie kicked the seat in front of him. I apologized to the man sitting there. He looked at me with the same genuine expression I had given the women sitting behind me. " don't worry- he's fine" he said. While it's nice to have these interactions with others who really do get it, I wondered if the movie was too distracting for Robbie. He's been to movies before and is usually pretty good. I ensure we get an empty aisle- usually on the side of the theater so he can get up and walk around. He sat for most of the show but did get a little over stimulated and decided to leave early. We got popcorn on the way out because "I want popcorn, I want popcorn, I want popcorn- etc" was all I heard as we passed the concession stand.
I called my husband on the way home because he is the only person who really understands what I'm about to write. This event was sad and depressing for me. I got a glimpse of what Robbie's life may be. A lot of the older kids seemed further on the spectrum than I would classify my son- but I may denying the truth a bit too. His progress is so slow that I am scared. Really scared. (To make matters worse as I try to quickly type this Robbie is pointing to the computer yelling "fish". He wants to play the backyardigans mermaid matching game on nickjr.com.) I saw all these parents today with a combination of love, exhaustion and sadness in there eyes. It was nice to have a place where compassion is truly there, but depressing to think of myself as one of these people. I know that sounds awful- but I have to have hope that my son will not be one of those teens who looked drugged or worse maybe, the one's that looked disheveled and were unable to control their tics and noises. The weird kids. Or the adult man in line behind me who came by himself but could not look anyone in the eye and was obviously uncomfortable. Or am I even more worried about the cashier at the ticket counter telling me "this showing is an "autism showing". That's why we're here was my response. If anyone has been watching Parenthood- my new favorite show on NBC Tuesday nights- one of the parents sums it up best. Her son was diagnosed aspergers. You worry all the time. Should you try something new? A new school? A new therapist? Should you stop something you're doing? Do you push, do you not push? And if you're not worrying about your autistic child -you worry about your other child? Am I not paying enough attention to her? Am I giving her what she needs? Is she picking up on some of the bad behaviors? Will she be ok - or feel like she was ignored like the daughter on the show does because so much of your energy goes into raising a special needs child. And then how can you carve out time for your marriage and not constantly talk about your fears for your children? Are you going to go crazy?
No- because you can't. Your family depends on it.