Mom's Journey

 I have been blogging since 2009.  14 years-and it has been a journey. In March Robbie turns 18. He will remain in school until he's 21- but I am terrified.  Robbie loves all the Toy Story movies and   is  6 feet tall and 250.. He is that sweet little boy much of the time- but he is also a 17 year old man. There are hormones and emotions that he has a hard time controlling. Sometimes my son scares me.  It's hard to write about.  I worry about how life will be for him as an adult. What happens when  I am  not providing the the therapy and help needs?  Currently he's getting home based therapy once a week which is really someone sitting with him and talking to him about the pictures he's drawing or the movies he likes.  I'm also trying to get him ABA in the home after we had taken a break from it around Covid. This has become a tougher task than I had expected as there is a long wait list to get a therapist. Getting his guardianship papers are my next challenge. He will be 18 before you know it but he will still need his parents to help with medical decisions. He takes multiple medications to stabilize his moods and calm his anxiety.  The world can be a scary place for all but especially for those on the Autism spectrum. He is a small boy trapped inside a man's body. 

The question is- what will the next 14 years look like? Will Robbie live independently?  Will he be able to keep a job? Will he find a girlfriend- with yellow hair who likes watching movies and eating popcorn?  Will he be happy? So many questions and no one knows the answers. I couldn't have imagined the changes that have taken place in my life over the past 14 years.  Some incredibly challenging and some incredibly rewarding. I will hope and pray for all 3 of my children  They have friends and family who cherish their relationships. That they find love and a partner who is not only a good match for them but supports them emotionally.   They find careers that keep them rewarded and challenged. That they find time and space for self care and FUN!!

As we roll into the new year- I wish 2024 is the best year yet- for everyone :) I am grateful for the support of my family and friends as the past few years have presented newer challenges for Robbie and myself.  NYE tonight was  special. Robbie sat with Timmy and I as we watched the ball drop. He cheered with sprite and spoke about what he hopes for 2024. New York city for his birthday.................  OMG and YES!  A renewal of the hopes and dreams for all- however big and small.

                                 Bring on 2024!!!

I'm on the good list- Santa says!

 My kids are 17, 15 and 10.  I still have 1 and a 1/2 believers.......  Of course the biggest believer is Robbie. He is 17 and has autism. Santa is real, because it wouldn't make sense for him not to be. He looks for our Elf on the Shelf- or Elves- as we have 3-  every morning - to ensure they went back to report to Santa the night before.  He can't be on the naughty list. There are presents that need to be under the tree.  Each day, during the month of December, Robbie will say- " I'm a good boy- I'm not on the naughty list."  He will actually catch himself, when behaviors escalate, calm himself down- to ensure he's not on the naughty list.  Last week his therapist asked how things have been going. I paused and thought about it, which brought me the material for this blog.  Why have his aggressive / violent behaviors diminished this month?  The answer is so apparent- SANTA!!   " SANTAA! Oh my god!  Santa, here?!? I KNOW HIM!!"

If you've seen the movie ELF - with Will Ferrell - you will understand the comparison I'm about to make. Buddy the elf is a large man who is so innocent in regards to the ways of the world. He loves Santa Claus and all things Christmas. In the most simple form, he is looking for his needs to be met, and will not stop until they are. That is Robbie.  6 foot 1 and 240 +pounds - he is a big kid. He just wants his presents, to watch movies and eat popcorn.  Robbie- like Buddy- loves hugs and requests them often.  I can picture Robbie asking a girl he likes " So... do you want to eat food?'  Pure and simple- with nothing else implied - except eating food- preferable pepperoni pizza.  I can imagine having to tell Robbie " You see gum on the street- leave it there. It's not free candy." Simple but true statement from Santa to Buddy before he goes off into the world.  Robbie will apologize for his behavior after there is an escalation. He's sorry for yelling, saying the F word, pushing or hitting.  This is similar to Buddy saying " I'm sorry I ruined your lives and crammed 11 cookies into the VCR." 

My question- how can I take this simple joy and transfer it to the rest of the year?  Or as Buddy says " treat everyday like Christmas."  If anyone knows- please feel free to pass it on :)