Autism- Walk for Robbie

I've been thinking a lot about Autism, Robbie and what that means for our family.

1) We get to avoid taking pictures with the Easter bunny and Santa Clause. Really- who as a kid wants to sit next to an over grown Rabbit or a heavy set man in a red suit?

2) We always have an out- of family gatherings, birthday parties, etc.

3) The above items are a bummer.

When we first received the diagnosis of ASD, My husband mourned. I couldn't understand why he was in mourning. Our son is not dying. He does not have cancer or one of those rare childhood diseases. He many end up different- but still OK I thought. I went into fight mode. I will "cure" or "heal" my son, as they say. Jenny McCarthy did it. If I try really hard- I can do it. I thought.
Two years later I am trying really hard and mourning at the same time. I had no idea what Autism was or what it meant. Robbie will not be a super star athlete- but he also may not be able to play any organized activity at all. His OT is concerned that he can not keep his attention on tasks with out repeated prompts. He gets overwhelmed with too much visual stimulation. He can't sit still. He goes "into his own head" with increasing frequency.

I am looking for answers. MRI, EEG, Allergist, Developmental ped, Regular Ped, Neurologist, new neurologist, old neurologist, another new neurologist, behaviorist, additional behaviorist, speech therapist, occupational therapist,another holistic healer.. No one has answers.

To be clear, the answers I am looking for are not completely how to heal my son. They simply are- why isn't he improving? Why does he take 4 steps back with every step forward? Why are his school reports getting progressively worse? Why was he doing do well during the fall and early winter and is doing do poorly now? Why has behavior worsened and not improved? Why have his bowel movements not improved- since we removed the allergen's from his system? If we are doing everything right- why isn't he learning more, feeling better, acting better? What else can I do? What am I missing in the puzzle we call Autism??

I can not stop looking for answers. I will not stop working to help my son. I'm afraid if I stop looking, I will miss something. A clue, a red flag, a cure. The alternative is not something I am ready to accept- Whether that is a good or bad thing- who knows. Robbie is an incredibly sweet and intelligent boy. We need to peel back the layers and find out how to help him.

If you are local- The Walk Now for Autism Speaks event is taking place Saturday, May 21st in Mount Laurel, NJ. Please come and walk for Robbie.