Halloween and Acceptance

I have learned an important lesson in the last few months. Autism rates are in fact rising however just about everyone these days is "on the spectrum". Rob and I continually meet people who have children "on the spectrum." What I have learned is every child is totally different and you really can't compare them. When Robbie was initially diagnosed with Autism there were 2 mothers in my area I spoke to - who also had "autistic" children. One of them claimed to heal her son through diet alone. This child at age 5 had told people his parents had unlocked the mystery of autism. Wow- that's impressive I thought. She sent us to a healer who suggested I boil almonds, peel them and make my own almond milk. She also suggested we take potatoes, tomatoes, eggplant and a few other items out of his diet. She sent us home with a few hundred dollars worth of pills, lotions, and supplements.
The other mother I had reached out to had a son in Robbie's pre-school class. This made me feel like I wasn't alone. This boy looks a lot like Robbie and they even had the same sneakers! They were sure to be great friends. As the months went by I learned this boy's diagnosis was different than Robbie's. He is labeled- Pervasive Developmental Disorder- Not otherwise specified- PDD-NOS. He received speech and OT outside of school and the ABA the school provided. He is doing really well and is still at Medford Lakes preschool. Why did this program work for this boy and not mine?? I beat myself up for a few weeks until I did a little more research on what different diagnosis mean. PDD-NOS is not as severe as Moderate Autism. And- many children have severe food allergies which may look like Autism- but it's not. This knowledge is helping me get through those times when I run into others who have children "on the spectrum" and those children are speaking, playing with other kids and in regular classrooms. Those children are doing really well. How is Robbie? He is doing well too. He is doing well based on his diagnosis. We are going to have to work harder and longer than those families have- and that's OK.
Halloween was a crazy weekend. School parties, friend parties and trick or treating. Robbie had a party at school on Friday. All the kids in Robbie's class dressed in costume except Robbie. The food was gluten free- however he came home with tons of candy. Sugar, red dye, preservatives- interesting I thought- but how can you deny your child candy on Halloween. At the end of the day I took Robbie to Lexi's Halloween parade. She spotted us- cried and that was the end of that. Saturday morning we had a local preschool party. Games, candy and chaos. Lexi put on her princess costume- again Robbie refused to wear his. Rob came up with a perfect solution. He bought transfer paper. You can put any logo you want from the internet and iron it on to a t-shirt. He found a scary peter pan and Robbie put it on. Saturday afternoon- evening we had another party at a friends house a few blocks away. Lexi put on her princess again and Robbie and Dad wore t-shirts with the Incredibles logo. (super hero movie) The party was tough. Robbie was overwhelmed by the people and chaos. He began some destructive behavior- throwing things etc. We redirected him to a sticker activity they had set up in the playroom. He seemed more content but took off his shoes and refused to put them back on. Lexi had a great time with the kids- running around and playing with toys. It made me a little jealous of other families who were there. Lexi was so easy. Is this how most kids are? I started to understand how my best friend with 3 kids can cart them everywhere with little trouble. We stayed for about 2 hours and decided to skip the Halloween parade and head home. It was exhausting.
The following day Robbie was still on strike with his shoes. At 4 o'clock we were planning on going to a friends house and trick or treating with them. At 3pm Rob and I decided that shoes are a non negotiable. Through tears, screams and kicks, we physically held him down and put on his shoes. He tried to take them off but Rob was vigilant. We all got into the car, a safe space for Robbie, and drove the 2 blocks to our friends house. We were pleasantly surprised. Robbie was happy, followed direction and kept his shoes on. We went trick or treating for about an hour with 2 other families. Robbie really seemed to enjoy it. And of course Lexi did too. Afterwards we returned to our friends' house for a bit. The kids played and ate a few treats. Rob actually said it was relaxing and I agreed. These situations are generally stressful so it was so nice to be able to breathe for an hour. The kids got tired and hungry so we decided to head home. A great way to end a crazy weekend!!