Birthday Parties

We all went to celebrate one of Robbie's cousin's first birthday. We were excited because it was family and Robbie usually does really well with family. As more and more people came to the party- Robbie began going upstairs for longer periods of time. He would stand at the stairwell and become focused on the ceiling-and his ability to touch it from the stairwell. He wanted to play upstairs in his cousin's room, away from the crowd. I wish I could say this wasn't heart breaking for us- but it was. We probably should have expected it- but we didn't. As I watched the other kids walk around and play with toys, I felt sad. My son was upstairs and refused to come down. It also becomes more and more clear how behind Robbie is when I see other "typical" children. I listen to them speak and ask for what they want. I watch them interact with each other so easily and I feel sad. I wish I didn't feel that way.
Another frustration has been with services and diet. How much, how long, what to avoid, what to add. No one can tell you what the correct amount is. It is a huge guessing game. When someone is ill, a doctor can recommend a treatment program or course of action. With Autism Spectrum disorder- the spectrum is so large- there isn't a clear path. I am frustrated. I am sad. I am scared for my little boy. He is making great strides- don't misunderstand. His speech is improving dramatically. His "playing" is appropriate. But, we still have a long way to go.